Sun, Apr 10 at 4:37 AM
This is what I do now.
I travel to remote regions to run sleep studies (a business I’ve been in since 2006) as dispatched by a company who negotiates where and when my services are most needed across Kansas (with the occasional trip across state lines to Nebraska or EVENTUALLY Colorado).
Some of the hospitals I’ve been dispatched to are itty bitty.
Some are HUGE!
As someone whose employment status is now -for tax purposes -categorized as a sole proprietor of my own business, I recently had to come up with a name for my new LLC.
If you’ve known me for any length of time whatsoever, lol, you are well aware of how much I love wordplay so this task was one I was prepared to relish.
I am, after all, someone who likes to play on ALL the triple word score spaces in a game of Scrabble. And you best believe that when I do? I’m trying to play at least a six letter word on those bad boys with either a “Z”, “X” or “Q” tile.
You also know that I adore a good metaphor. Especially one that has Biblical ties. And even moreso one that has an OBSCURE Biblical tie!
Jesus is my Savior for many reasons and one of the things I adore about Him most is His articulate parables.
I often fail to love people the way that He did… or minister to them like He did… or hold my tongue like He did. Lol
But the Messiah and I find common ground in our love for rich symbolism.
It is what I often find equates to oxygen for my soul to breathe. J
Biblical literalism, in contrast, bores me and even aggravates me a little bit sometimes… Like, a visit to the Ark Experience to see a recreation of Noah’s boat? Um, ok, if you really want to… I’m game, I guess.
But wouldn’t it be a **thousand** times more stimulating to try to figure out the ways that that story could’ve happened exactly the way the Bible says it did BUT on a subatomic level? With all the main characters representing various phases of an ongoing Creation process that had been in progress since the Adam and Eve story in the first chapter of Genesis???
But for NOW - the metaphor I intend to author today is one to mark this season of life I find myself in professionally.
See, I knew what I wanted to call my new business after only a few hours of consideration!
It was a name that just kind of came to me and settled down in my spirit like a butterfly landing on your hand while you sit on a porch swing in spring.
I accepted it almost as quickly as it came home to roost in my weary, sleep disorders technician's brain.
And I’ve been picking it apart ever since because – again – Nick loves when links to rich metaphors and the biblically obscure present themselves.
The name of my one man traveling sleep disorders laboratory service is… EutychusWindow. J
Why, “EutychusWindow”?
Well… to be honest? I’ve been asking myself the same thing!
I know the story of Eutychus – it’s in Acts 20 if you want to check it out.
And I think that initially it just seemed like kind of a nod to one of the few Bible stories that incorporates a potential sleep disorder plotline.
My internal monologue became one of, “Oh, that’d be cute! I should name my sleep disorders business after a guy who was probably the New Testament’s token narcoleptic!”
Because it wasn’t just a reference to Eutychus that I’d settled on for a business name… it was specifically to the window where he’d perched up on the third floor of a meeting room to listen to the Apostle Paul (one of my least favorite Bible characters, btw) preach a sermon.
There had to be something to that. Something God wanted to remind me of. Something God wanted to remind my patients of… and the doctors and colleagues I’d encounter along the way! Something that he wanted them to be reminded of, too, now that this new business had taken shape.
But what was it?
How was the image of Eutychus falling asleep specifically in a window supposed to be informing me as I started to frame a business model and philosophy?
This was going to take some thinking!
Ugh, “thinking”.
I’m kind of over it, to be honest. Lol.
I have a birthday coming up.
#41.
To thank Him for giving my pathetic self another undeserved trip around the sun… to thank Him for loving me and the mess that follows in my wake everywhere that I go. Lol
I know what you’re thinking – what a party animal!
It bummed my hubs out hardcore the first time he ever watched me process a birthday. Lol!
But see? Spiritual clarity used to WITHOUT FAIL be the result of those hours spent processing emotion in my youth.
It was on my 24th birthday that I first authored a blog and outed myself as a gay Christian (online!) and that decision to do that???
It came after a very intense night of just me and God, alone on a futon in my dorm room at Bible college pulling an all night, Birthday Eve therapy sesh. Lol
Well, spiritual clarity became the thing at the top of my birthday wish list every year!
And for a solid decade or so I got my wish granted… from age 24 to approximately age 31, I blogged religiously on my birthday! And ALWAYS following an intense time spent alone with my Creator; talking and praying. J
My ability to focus was something I could harness and direct and dedicate myself to applying to that exercise every year.
But on the brink of Birthday #41???
Kids, listen.
Lol.
It. Has. Become. Damned. Near. Impossible. To. Stay. Focused. On. Anything.
I’m not kidding! That is what I have become!!
My mind wanders down approximately 4,398 different rabbit trails a day.
I have never known the degree of cognitive dissonance, lol, that I know after having lived through ALL the things I’ve lived through this last decade.
The 2012 Mayan Calendar Prophecy.
The Take Over of GCN by self proclaimed(!) "queer", online progressive trolls.
Meeting the love of my life and marrying him – the one thing on this list that while, yes, may have contributed to my brain power being more difficult to utilize was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. I sometimes think that being “lovestruck” isn’t authentic unless it makes you more stupid. Lol! A part of my brain decided to permanently go on vacation when I met Zach. I think it just decided that “…this is him. He will be able to take over a sizable portion of your mental workload. Let him do it!” And I did! Lol. And I liked it ß #insidejoke
...back to the list, lol...
Blood Moons.
Ebola.
The Trump presidency.
Covid.
Dr. Anthony Fauci and the global “social distance” experiment.
Joe Biden winning the DNC nomination – I still don’t understand. I will never understand. No part of it makes ANY sense!
And those are just some of the things from the highlight reel!
So feeling the old, familiar invitation to reflect and process things on my birthday and then write a big blog regurgitating it all for anybody actually bored enough to read about it???
Ugh.
But I just can’t shake it.
There’s something about Eutychus and his window that’s supposed to inform how I live the rest of my 40s.
Ugh.
But I just can’t shake it.
There’s something about Eutychus and his window that’s supposed to inform how I live the rest of my 40s.
And I think I started to unlock it all tonight while riding the elevator in this big hospital in Nebraska.
As previously stated, lol, cognition and focus are declining for me as I inch ever further into my fifth decade of being alive.
Anything that takes even a TIDBIT of extra thought or energy to figure out beyond what I'm used to?
Yeah. I instantaneously hate it and declare war on it within my soul. LOL!
For instance, the cat litter brand I have always bought for Pipsqueak? They recently changed the design of the bag so now there is a different mechanism in place to open it and access the litter.
I was so angry at this that I considered writing to the president of the company to gripe. Lolololol... Seriously, though, when it's time to change the litter box, I do not want to first have to complete a Chinese concentration puzzle just so I can give my cat a fresh place to perform her number twos.
It's just not something I desire to have on my agenda.
If something has always been reliable and simple, I find that I need it to stay that way in order to preserve my sanity.
And if it can't maintain it's user-friendliness, I'll just avoid using it! 👈 Remember that truth for later illustrative purposes - 😉
Now every now and then, I find there just isn't a work around and I am FORCED to use something that irritates me.
Cue the elevator bank in the Nebraska hospital I've been referencing. Lol
The addition of an extra set of doors to a standard elevator set up - it turns out - makes Nick's delicate and easily distracted brain go full on haywire. Lol
As it turns out, I need my elevators to only have ONE set of doors.
I've discovered if I board an elevator and if INSTEAD of a back wall there is an additional set of double doors?
I become Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
Where are we going? Where have we been? What dimension is this?
On that elevator, as a new employee - I just simply do not know the answers to these questions.
All I know is that there are people entering to my left and my right all onboarding through different doors and exiting through different doors and I cannot stay focused enough to stay oriented.
So when I arrive to the floor that I'm supposed to be on?
I may forget to exit the elevator entirely! Lol
Or, at the very least, forget which door I'm supposed to go out of.
Or, most likely, exit on the wrong side of the damned thing and then have to walk around to the correct side of the corridor once I've figured out where I am in relation to where I need to be!
And there isn't a work around that will permit me to avoid using the thing!
And even if there was? I'm responsible for transporting people up to this third floor laboratory who are oftentimes older and wheel chair bound... meaning stairs are a no-go.
I'm sure I'll get it eventually, lol.
But when you're also trying to devote brain power to remembering new email log in information, new phone extensions and who picks up on the receiving end of each and new coworkers and their names?
It's not exactly a welcome additional challenge to my life right now. Lol!
And it was while contemplating this elevator scenario that I realized how Eutychus and his window are supposed to be informing and shaping my business model.
When I'm in that elevator, I have no outside perspective to keep me oriented... no view of my surroundings to ground me and help me remember what I'm doing and the business that I am to be about.
I lose sight of the outside and I lose sight of everything.
The more that I mull that over, the more I think I understand what God is wanting me to take away from the object lesson He is presenting me with His guidance to consider Eutychus' window.
Maybe Eutychus had to sit in that window to keep his perspective.
Maybe the idea of the resurrected Jesus that the Apostle Paul was preaching about was too exciting to miss out on but after that first time attending his local church and listening to the long winded preacher?
Maybe Eutychus realized that while the idea of a resurrected Jesus had the potential to transform the outside world he lived in that this thing Paul was helping to build and establish?
It was ok and all - but it didn't do much to keep him oriented and focused on the people OUTSIDE the confines of the sanctuary.
Maybe Eutychus felt like going into the confines of a sanctuary disoriented him and distracted him from his overall mission the same way I feel disoriented and distracted stepping into the elevator at the Nebraska hospital where I'm picking up shifts.
I mean, Eutychus! Pal, I get it.
I haven't felt well oriented while in a church sanctuary in a long time either!
I walk into them and I feel like "These people and their strange combination of faith and politics are supposed to be my siblings in the faith? We're supposed to be aligned in our mission to love one another? I'm not sure we could even agree on a restaurant to have lunch in, let alone the best method for reaching the world with the message of Jesus..."
And it's discouraging.
And so maybe that's what Eutychus was feeling when he infamously started to choose sitting in a window over sitting in a pew.
Maybe he wanted his ears to be hearing Paul speak of Jesus while looking out at the world Jesus died to save.
So as not to get distracted from the original excitement that brought him into the church in the first place...
So as not to become like the closed off people he had been so disappointed to encounter and realize were the closest thing he had to "teammates".
Maybe that's the degree of **perspective** that I am supposed to be trying to incorporate into my professional life as I begin this new chapter.
"Keep yourself stationed somewhere, Nick, where you have eyes on the ground... don't ever turn inward and, in so doing, lose your ability to remain on task. Keep your perspective and keep the outside in view!" says Eutychus from his window perch. 😊
Of course, I'm also likely supposed to be mindful of the occupational hazards involved with being a "window dweller" in the Church of Healthcare. Lol
Eutychus didn't STAY in the window, after all.
Read Acts 20 again.
Boyfriend done fell **OUT** the window. Lol!
And he died!!!
Luckily that pastor (Paul) who he perhaps didn't always feel like he shared the same vision as or worship the same Jesus as?
Yeah, turns out, he did.
And Paul was able to access shared faith in a shared Messiah and raise Eutychus from the dead to dwell in his window seat another day 👈 ...there's an entire additional blog to be written about the importance of not discrediting one's teammates or doubting the authenticity of each other's Christianity just because it looks different from one's own - but we only have so much time today. Lol.
The lesson for today's purpose is that while you're keeping yourself busy staying focused on the people you've been inspired to practice servanthood towards, don't forget to take care of yourself.
Eutychus, in his zeal, may have worn himself out.
And as a result, he fell asleep while stationed in the place God had for him to occupy and it cost him his life.
I certainly don't want to repeat that mistake.
My nephews and niece recently lost a young uncle in a car wreck on their mom's side of the family.
I don't want to risk putting them through another loss like that anytime soon.
So as I begin another decade of staying up overnight and making my living watching other people sleep, lol, I have to remember to take the necessary time to rest myself also.
I have to remember to make the choice to eat healthy when and where I can - even when the easiest option may be to hit a drive through and even though opting for salads doesn't ever seem to get me to the ideal body weight I desire. Lol.
I have to remember that in addition to new email addresses, passwords and coworker names I need to remember to take my blood pressure meds everyday... and stay conscious of when I'm getting stressed and am at high risk for a surprise panic attack so that the little pills I take on an as needed basis for anxiety can be properly utilized.
Avoid falling OUT the window, Nick! Utilize the vantage point that it provides but DON'T fall out the damn thing and die. Lol.
And if you do?
Well, Paul's not the ideal person that I'd have come to my rescue but any authentic brother in the faith should be able to help me get back up and back to it.
So don't be afraid to let people come to your rescue when you need them to.
When you need resurrected.
That's what the holiday we are celebrating today - Easter - is all about, after all.
God kicking death to the curb.
God proclaiming once and for all that the end of life isn't the definitive end to everything.
Belief is available!
Belief in a man who somehow was MORE than a man... Who sat in His own window seat of sorts and looked out at all the lost and lonely people populating the world He created and had compassion on them like a Shepherd discovering a group of shepherdless sheep.
Belief that His greatest accomplishment is available to be our accomplishment too...
Obedience.
When we give ourselves to obedience the way that Jesus did... and let it take us all the way to its inevitable, ugly and violent end the way that it did for Him...
That's where we find fulfillment.
That's where life's purpose lies.
Be it a cross or a window seat, obedience will provide you the worthwhile view you crave in your soul.
And He will help you acquire the strength to be obedient if you ask Him to do so.
Because He's still alive today and He takes special requests from the people He loved enough to die for. 😊
I said that part of this new job was taking shifts running sleep studies in both big hospitals and small.
Well, one of the smaller hospitals I've found myself working in is in a little town - even smaller than Kingman, where I live!
There are no big chain hotels there like the Hampton Inn I get to stay in when I work at the big hospital in Nebraska.
Instead, I found this old church building from the late 1800s (early 1900s?) that has been converted into an AirBnB.
https://www.facebook.com/SanctuaryGuestHouseKS
It is such a peaceful respite for recovering from shifts spent counting the number of times people stop breathing in and hour and then devoting myself to fixing it in the hours leading up to dawn everyday.
I find that even though it has two beautiful bedrooms to choose from that my favorite place to sleep while I'm there is in the big open room that was probably once the church's sanctuary.
Like I said earlier, I don't particularly always feel "at home" when I visit an active church sanctuary these days.
Remember what I said earlier about how I tend to transition away from things that aren't intrinsically "user friendly".
Well, that's something that right or wrong I've allowed to happen with church sanctuaries.
As a rule, they stress me out and invite me to relive some spiritual trauma that I'm not the most at peace with.
But here? In THIS "sanctuary"?
I sprawl out on a couch where there probably used to be a church pew and I sleep the day away...I let my body recover from a 12 or 13 hour shift before I have to go back and do it all again the next evening.
I even found a window there to pose in front of as I try to make a complete metamorphosis to Eutychus. 😊
I snapped this picture before I left this week so I could occasionally look at it and remember the new business model I'm trying to succeed at incorporating... and the vision to keep others and the world they live in as my 'true north'... and my promise to take care of this aging body even as I venture out and do new things and take on new challenges.
Hopefully, it's a reminder to any of you who have been so kind as to read all the way to the end of this entry for YOU to stay focused on whatever God is taking YOU through right now in our crazy, distracted post pandemic world.
To find your window with a view of the people and things He's called you to keep atop your list of important priorities.
And to love with a love that's only accessible through a resurrected Jesus Who will empower you if you submit to Him and take care of yourself well enough to take care of others.
Because as I always say, "He's bigger than you... He's stronger than you... He's smarter than you... and if you ask Him to live in your heart, you can know He will be there forever."
Happy Easter from the window seat, everyone. 😉
**OH! ...as promised, here's the Bob's Burgers movie trailer -
"DON'T RUB MY SESAME SEEDS OFF!" Lololololololol!!!!
